Bellatrix's Pain
by Ren's Mistress
Summary: Bellatrix isn't who everyone thinks. She used to be someone else, until pain made her who she is now. She is insane, but was she always this way? Oneshot. Bellatrix being my favorite character I felt she needed a story like this.


Bellatrix wasn't who everyone thought. They all thought she was cruel and heartless, but if they had lived through what she had they would see that she wasn't always the way she is now. Instead they only saw her now, they only saw the pain she caused. They had all forgotten about her years at, and before, Hogwarts. Not that they knew the full story. The wizarding population only knew what the Black family had shown.

* * *

Bellatrix was happy. During her Hogwarts year's she could escape her family. Bellatrix was as aristocratic as she needed to be and looked down at everyone who wasn't a Slytherin, but she hated every minute of it. She didn't fully believe in blood purity, she knew that if the pureblood were more powerful it had long faded through interfamily marriage. Looking at the family tree so many of the families started through distant cousins marrying each other. In her mind magic was magic.

In her sixth year Bellatrix learned that she was to marry Rudolphus Lestrange, no debate, end of story. Bellatrix knew him, he had the same beliefs as her parents. She would only be there as a housewife and broodmare. She was to give him an heir, keep the house clean, and make sure his meals were ready whenever he wanted them. That life may be fine for Andromeada or Narcissa but to Bellatrix it would be torture. She couldnt say anything though, she wouldn't risk her parents wrath.

In Bellatrix's seventh year she was told she was to marry Rudolphus over the summer, and that she was expected to go home for all of the holidays. During the first few weeks of school she overheard Rudolphus boasting about recieving the Dark Mark. As soon as she heard that she knew why her parents had chosen him. He was exactly what they wanted, focused on blood purity, and looked down on anyone who could be considered less then him. No matter what for, he looked down on almost everyone. She decided to ignore it as long as she could.

She should have known that ignoring Rudolphus and his friends would only work for so long. Even knowing most of them had taken the Dark Mark, Bellatrix never expected to walk into an empty classroom and see them torturing another student. She was horrified at seeing how they treated the Gryffindor.

"Go ahead and scream, mudblood. Nobody can hear you. You honestly think we'd be so stupid we'd forget about silencing charms?" Rudolphus hissed, right before casting another Cruciatus curse on her.

"Are you insane?" Bellatrix said, grabbing for his wand. "You're doing this in school? You could get expelled! Even sent to Azkaban! How will you serve the Darklord then?"

The other Slytherins looked shocked at what she said. They looked at each other before one asked quickly, "How do we get out of it?"

Thinking quickly Bellatrix told them, "Go I'll take care of the mudblood and make sure she doesn't talk."

What the other's didn't realize was how Bellatrix shuddered at using the derogatory term. And as soon as they were gone Bellatrix went to the Gryffindor, quickly helping her up.

"Why're you helping me?" The Gryffindor snapped. She doesn't realize that I don't agree with them, Bellatrix thought.

"I don't agree with what they're doing, I don't help others but I don't encourage my house either," Bellatrix responded, pulling out her wand quickly. "Now please hold still and let me assess the damage they caused."

After a few quick spells they got ready to part ways.

"Thank you, Bellatrix," The Gryffindor said. "I'm Lily, come to me anytime you need someone to help you, or just someone to talk to."

Before Bellatrix could say anything Lily was gone. But hearing those words gave Bellatrix hope that there was more to her life then what was planned. She didn't know how wrong she was.

* * *

Bellatrix was hurting. She had married Rudolphus, just as planned, but now she was in so much pain. He had taken her to the Dark Lord, and when she refused the Dark Mark they said they were going to break her.

The Death Eaters took turns hurting her in any way they could. The Cruciatus curse, blasting hexes, even mental torture. Every bad memory was brought up again as they tortured her. So much pain. Hours of it. Days, weeks, months, she had lost count. All she knew was the pain they caused, all she knew was that the Dark Lord could make it go away. She could feel herself changing, could feel herself giong insane from it.

In Bellatrix's mind the Dark Lord was now safety. He ended her pain. As long as he was hapy Bellatrix was happy. As long as he was happy there was no pain. She would do anything for him now.

And he knew it.

* * *

Bellatrix had gone crazy from the pain. Her mind had snapped, and now the world would pay for it. She did whatever the Dark Lord asked, and he let Bellatrix have her fun. Prisoners were given to her to play with. She loved to hear them scream, just as she had screamed. But they would never be fixed. They would not have someone there to comfort them, as she had her Lord.

At times Bellatrix longed for death. She welcomed it, a part of her had not been broken, and she could feel it some days. Because of this she wished for the death that would end her pain. In death she would no longer have to hide from herself. In death she would no longer hurt, she would become who she once was. Who she sometimes hoped she could be again.

Other times Bellatrix searched for her savior, searched for someone to make her whole again. She wished she could find someone who could help her leave this pain behind, she didn't want to be like this anymore. She knew she could never be who she once was. She knew she could never go back to her Hogwarts day's. But sometimes she wanted that more then anything. Even more then she wanted her death.

* * *

During the encounter at the Department of Mysteries she hoped one of the Hogwarts students had realized she needed help. And when the Order of the Pheonix showed up she wished they would recognize the pain, and see who much she wished to be saved. After she left she knew they didn't see her as someone who was hurting, someone who wanted help. The rest of the world only saw someone who lived to cause pain. To them, Bellatrix was a monster. And she knew it.

Before the Battle of Hogwarts Bellatrix knew that the world would have no place for her. She knew that no matter who won nobody would need her. She didn't want to live in a world ruled by the Dark Lord but the rest of the wizarding world would shun her. They wouldn't try to help, only try to get her locked back up.

Bellatrix knew during the Battle of Hogwarts that she had little chance of surviving. But to her, even a small chance of surviving was too much. Bellatrix didn't want to survive this fight, she didn't want to see the world after this, it didn't matter to her who won. So to escape she did the only thing she could think of to make sure she died. She attacked the Weasley girl. Bellatrix knew that the Weasley mother was extremely protective, and by threatening her daughter Bellatrix was sure she would die.

"Not my daughter you Bitch!" The Weasley matriarch shouted.

Hearing that Belatrix knew her death was close. She knew that there was no chance of mercy after attacking the youngest Weasley like she did. She knew that her death was close. And it was welcomed. the curse Belatrix saw heading for her was deadly. It wasn't unforgiveable but if it hit her in the right place she was dead. she knew this, but she didn't care. She didn't block the curse. As Bellatrix took her last breaths she could feel herself dying. She could see who she used to be, she could feel that part of herself again. But she could only feel it in death.

And she welcomed it.


End file.
